id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Small penises have feelings too.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
