I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
