O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
