she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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