I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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