I just pynch a tree in the face
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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