Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
what day is it and did you see me today?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Randomize
