If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
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