i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
