I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
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