I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
