I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He? As in you personified your dick?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
