She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
