Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
