the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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