My cat gives me a boner
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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