Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Welp...herpes.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
