I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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