apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Randomize
