I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Randomize
