I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
my poor anus
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
