Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
