i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
