so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
