She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
