i permit you to call me
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
