If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Randomize
