At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
