Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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