OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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