I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
