my being single is dangerous.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
