i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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