is your mom at the bar?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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