he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
