Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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