Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
