I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
