Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
