I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
