I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
