Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
