I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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