i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
