Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Randomize
