Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
