I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
