Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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