My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
how drunk are you?
Several
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
