I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
A bitchslap is in order.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
