we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
