She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
