I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
